Sunday, August 24, 2008

White gloves and party manners, you jerk!

Yes, yes! It is true. I am an official graduate of the White Gloves and Party Manners course. Never heard of it? Well, I think that's because I don't think it's existed since 1978.

Every Saturday morning for about a month, I timidly took the escalator to the second floor of Halle's department store to learn how to become a little lady. Apparently, being born with a vagina is not enough. The class was taught by Shirley Ramsey, the local weather woman from WICU. By the by, her husband was missing a hand. I ran into them at the Loblaws shopping one day. For years, I would wonder if he had peripheral attachments. It made him so mysterious. By association, that also made Ms. Ramsey cabalistic in some way. Anywho, yeah... party manners... I gots 'em.

To graduate, we had to prepare a small room for a party. Setting the table, wrapping the presents, making the punch, etc. Then we were sent out into the world to really make a difference in domestic entertaining. You didn't think girls above the Mason-Dixon line were capable of it, did you? I still hold the WGAPM premise close to my heart. "Please" and "thank you" never go out of style. And, if you disagree, you definitely deserve a sock in the jaw.

I like to collect recipes and to keep a neat house. Everything in its place. I wrote a thank you note for every damned baby gift we received for the girls. I think writing letters and getting letters in the mail is AWESOME! I find it incomprehensible that some people don't know how to place silverware properly around a plate. I don't think the Crafty Revolution is very revolutionary, since I've been tooting crafty/knitty/stitchy praises for decades! But, I'm glad others are finally taking solice in a comforting kind of creativity; and not just that razor blade style inspiration to which we've become accustom. Mind you, don't for one moment think I wouldn't snap on you if you bump into me one too many times at a bar (which is about once). However, we can all be civil about it, can't we?

So, be nice... or you'll get a vague note with nasty undertones on monogramed stationary from me. Got it.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

The book.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

The author.

No comments: