If I leave here tomorrow... oops, TODAY!

If I leave here tomorrow... oops, TODAY!

My trip to Toronto for the IMFAR - International Meeting for Autism Research is approaching quickly. I feel like I am missing something. I have had my car serviced for the drive: oil change, new fuel filter, alignment, a new spark plug for good measure, and other fluids checked as well. I have my hotel reservations, and will call to confirm shortly. I visited the hotel website many times, looking at pictures of their rooms. I looked up numerous public parking options around the hotel. I have reviewed maps of Toronto and my travel routes NUMEROUS times.  I researched rail stops, bus stops, and possible walking options. I glanced through the schedule for the Toronto opera for the weekend. I made a list of stores selling vinyl in the area.  I have a mental check list of all the items I will be taking in my bag. I've investigated the exchange rate. I researched the average temperatures for the week. This is how I prepare.

Whenever I travel, even if it is to a new place in my hometown, I look at maps. I visual the roads, the nearby landmarks, and traffic flow. I have to do this because if I don't, I will find myself in the middle of my journey freaking out. Not only will I be trying to read street signs while trying to maintain the speed limit, but the sun could possibly be too bright, a song I don't like could possible be in the radio, or I could potentially spill my coffee. It is times like those which make me realize how stressed out I can be over "normal, every day" things. I take it for granted now, after forty years. But, what appears to others as obsessive over-preparation or not "going with the flow" is simply a security blanket in the making for me. I train myself ahead of time. I make myself familiar with will happen or what could happen. However, sometimes, this translates into a rigidity once the ball starts rolling. I know there will always be unplanned events. Detours, shortcuts, delays, surprises, etc.  I try to stay flexible enough to jump over those hurtles. Although, I might look like a giraffe leaping over a mole hill, I can still do it. I can do it best when I slow eliminate the background stimulus. Focus on the change necessary and integrate it. This is where I usually get a "relax" or "what's the big deal?" from neurotypical folks.  I won't get into the quelling of rage that occurs when someone tells me to "relax".

So, hopefully, you'll have gleaned from this that I am REALLY anxious about this trip. I guess it is a big deal that I received the travel grant. I should be and am happy about it. I will try to be gracious about having my photo taken, although I don't like having my photo taken. I figure I should be receptive to other's questions. Yet answering someone's questions usually leads to them answering questions, and me having to listen. So, do me a favor people, BE INTERESTING so I can look INTERESTED! Just kidding! Yet, I am so interested in what this conference potentially holds, I've reviewed the schedule for days- trying to pick and choose between many presentations I would love to see. Some happening at the same time!