As for me, all I know is that I know nothing, -Socrates

When I left him, I reasoned thus with myself: I am wiser than this man, for neither of us appears to know anything great and good; but he fancies he knows something, although he knows nothing; whereas I, as I do not know anything, so I do not fancy I do. In this trifling particular, then, I appear to be wiser than he, because I do not fancy I know what I do not know.  --Socrates


This past Thursday afternoon I was invited to address two groups of young people (ages approximately 17- 22yrs) on the spectrum preparing to head off to college.  From Pennsylvania, California, Michigan, Nevada, North Carolina, and Massachusetts even!  The invitation came from Janet, a psychologist I have been working closely with for a while now. As one of the instructors working with this group, she shared some challenges she was experiencing. And, one of her solutions seemed to be me. Hearing it from the horse's mouth approach. I can appreciate that. I wouldn't necessarily trust a rocket scientist to teach me how to make shoes, no  matter how bright or how many pairs of shoes he/she owned. I would want the low-down from a cobbler who had the callouses on his hands. But, here's the problem-- I can only tell you about me. I can tell you about what I have read also, but you can get your own library card. So, we come back to what do I know? I know me. And, I have had over forty years of knowing me. I guess you can say I have gained my chops in the realm of a recently diagnosed female on the spectrum.


I had trouble imagining what a 17year old would be thinking if they were forced to sit directly across from me for an hour plus. Not really able to do that, I imagined myself at that age. I remembered what I did and what I wanted to do. Would I have been engaged? Defensive? Pensive? Bored? I probably would have preferred to be sitting in the middle of the woods, buried in leaves. Well, I don't even have any idea what people in my own peer group think of me and my tales. So, what would this group glean from the talk? Got me! But, I dove in the water. With less than a day to prepare myself, I couldn't even test the temperature of said water.


I did write a few notes to myself based on Janet's brief overview. I referred to those notes ZERO times. I can't even recall how I began. A young man in the second group had an excellent question prepared for me out the gate. To paraphrase the first part of his question, what was it like being undiagnosed for decades? Well, I guess that is as good of a start as any. It sucked. It was frustrating. For years, I had the grades. The stellar grades. The slot in the "gifted" program. Yet, I also had the years of behavioral and what was read as discipline issues starting as early as kindergarten. By the time I reached high school, I had given up. I didn't understand it. The people around me didn't understand it. So, I just stopped. I managed to graduate in the top quarter of my class, but I never took homework home. Not unless it was a subject I enjoyed. Teachers couldn't understand why I wouldn't show my work in college algebra (with correct answers), but I would request extra physics books to borrow. They couldn't understand what would possess me to just stand up and leave a noisy classroom or cafeteria, to just walk straight out of school to sit in the side yard. That was a behavior issue to them. Not a sensitivity issue. Something I like to share with every group I have ever addressed, the wisdom bestowed upon me by a guidance counselor who offered no guidance, "I'll read about you some day... for either winning the Nobel Peace Prize or ending up in jail." To me that phrase IS undiagnosed ASD. My epitaph, perhaps. However, I am sure to relay-- I do not use those years as an excuse or hold a grudge. What matters is now.


This group was spending a week preparing for the transition into college life. Having attended at least three colleges in over fifteen years (not including other training and online courses), I knew a little about university life. I had earned nearly enough credits to be awarded a Doctorate, but needed to scratch enough together by trying to put the correct pegs in the matching holes to be award a degree of Letters, Arts, and Sciences with a dual focus of psychology and creative writing. Just trying to get a piece of paper in my fist before I quit AGAIN. I knew how difficult it could be. 


College is a series of hoops. Okay, first, life is a series of hoops. However, in college, I think there are more hoops lined up one after another and closer together than one will ever experience at any other point of their life.


Let me back up. Leaving for college for the first time is an amazing experience. For many, it is a chance to break free from the parental structures both physical and metaphysical. It is a chance to finally assert one's self. If you are lucky, you know what you'd like to pursue in the academic culture. You can finally wear old men's oxfords all the time without someone telling you you look like a rag-a-muffin. You can begin to feel empowered by choosing to surrounding yourself with people like yourself-- people who have perhaps read Pere Ubu. You have resources at your fingers: oil paints, microscopes, and a professor or two who are still engaged and engaging. It is great.


As you begin to examine the requirements of your degree with your adviser, the hoops begin to cast their shadows on your bright and budding academic career. I spent most of my life questioning the hoops and having contempt for the people who managed to glide through them. Heck, even the people who went kicking and screaming! Instead of  taking a few steps back to then gaining momentum towards that great leap needed to pitch myself through the center, I stood back and tapped my chin. Hmmm, what is this hoop composed of? Who placed this hoop here? What is on the other side of the hoop? The diameter? Is there a way around the hoop? Tick-tock-tock-tick. If no one was able to address these questions in what I viewed an acceptable manner, I'd turn my back on the hoop. Usually only to be faced with another hoop. The process would begin again.


Don't misunderstand me! The over-analytical mind is a precious and rare commodity. It is the fertile ground of  every unconventional idea that eventually becomes conventional until another ripe mind questions its validity. As one young man quoting Socrates reiterated during this phase of my rhetoric, "The life which is unexamined is not worth living." Yes-yes, I couldn't agree more. But, do I agree because it is a CHOICE  or because it is simply who I am? Is there the same degree virtue in a good deed that is done without thought versus the good deed that is done after contemplation? Or are they both equal because the result is equal? Follow? I have no choice but to CONSTANTLY question life. It is how my brain functions-- constantly question. 


It is like this-- you are dog tired. You are aching. You finally, after hours, find a chair where you are able to rest. You sit. You sigh. You relax. You are relieved having found a chair. You appreciate the chair being there for you to take respite. At that point, you stop thinking about the chair. Here's where the subtle difference takes place. Maybe before I even let my haggard bones collapse, I begin to assess. Is it wooden? Upholstered? If yes, what fabric was used? Was it ever RE- upholstered? Why? Cats? Sitting near a window and sun-bleached? Is the seat still warm? If yes, does that means someone or something was recently sitting there-- will they be back? Meanwhile, I am still aching and still unseated. That is a BIT of an exaggeration but not much.


Again, if the inquiries about the hoop cannot satisfactorily be answered and reason for the hoop doesn't materialize, that's is usually it for me. Even if the third hoop following down the line provides a prize much revered.  Hoop one is senseless. I cannot make myself do it. My first collegiate hoop? Gym class. I was one semester away from being awarded a bachelors degree with two minors. Gym? Gym! As mentioned in previous blogs, I never liked Phys Ed much. I even shared with the group about my nearly six foot self being seen as defiant because I would not, as a senior in high school, try to bend myself in to an origami crane. I quit college rather than jump through that hoop. 


I can't say the decision was the worst ever made. I ended up moving to Chicago- working in record stores, publishing freelance comics and illustrations while meeting some fantastically talented people with whom I am still friends today. Wait... maybe that is not the best way to end that. I guess  you need to jump ahead fifteen to twenty years and be faced with a potential employer who doesn't care if you know the differences between all the Blue Note album labels. Or that you can tell him what city Harvey Pekar called home. The potential employer needs to know how fast, how high, and how far you can jump through a hoop that you may or may not agree with in order to complete a project for the overall benefit of the team/employer.  Practically speaking, it is part of how you will pay your bills. Also, there may come a day when you question yourself as to why it has taken you nearly twenty years to complete something it takes most typical people four years to accomplish. 


Being able to jump through a hoop sometimes has very little with overall aptitude, intellect, or logic. Some less then bright people are pretty good at hoop jumping. They potentially can get further in their pursuit than you, even though you may know and understand more than they do. It is a skill. Try to learn it. It will only enable you to achieve more.


However, there is a difference between being a trained pony and a hoop jumper. People should respect you, and you need to respect yourself. It is a fine line. Recognize where your line lies in the sand. Every once in a while evaluate what is on the other side of that line. And, if necessary, adjust your line. Don't worry, lines aren't permanent-- they are fluid.


One of my favorite gentleman came up during our mostly one-sided conversation, Sherlock Holmes. As I mentioned, even back in high school, I had a hard time finding the value in information which held no interest or purpose for me. And, being unable to anticipate future need for most of it, many of those topics became mute. In the episode of the Cunningham Heritage with Ronald Howard (1954), Watson and Holmes decide to share a flat. While unpacking, the they begin to discuss how unbelievable it is that a man of Holmes' intellect didn't know the Earth moved around the Sun. Sherlock goes on to explain to Watson it means nothing to him so he will promptly forget it to leave room for facts which are useful to him. Exactly! Whether it is a person, place, or thing... living or dead, if it doesn't apply to my world or interests and pursuits, I have trouble finding a reason to retain it or even initially pursue it. If I don't like an artist, why would I remember his/her name? One of my favorite artists is Jean Dubuffet. If I don't own your dog, why would I remember its name? My cat's name is Itty. If I like British bikes better than American bikes, why would I remember what kind of braking system a Harley Davidson uses? A Norton Commando uses drum brakes. Even though I can remember what all the Twilight series book covers look like from working in a bookstore, I don't know the author's name anymore. My favorite author is Harry Crews.


In the realm of academia, these hoops are called requirements. They are the filler a university pads their degrees with to show the world their graduates are well-rounded individuals. My advice? Pick the best you can, complete it to your best ability. Give the subject designated time and effort. Complete it, move on. Once it is done, you can keep it in the storage units of your gray matter or put it to the curb with a "free" sign leaning on it. Keep yourself open to possibly experiencing something interesting. Something you may want to follow-up on in the future.


As a side note, when thinking about all this thinking, I think, "There are sometimes I just wish I could turn my brain off." That is complex subject for another time. It opens cans of worms. When does a line of thinking become obsessive? Before I even heard of ASD or Asperger's, I planned on one of my research topics toward my psychology major to focus on  understanding the borderline obsessive thinking found in MANY of my fellow "gifted" students. And, was it helpful or harmful to tell kids like that to brainstorm and hyper-focus even more? At one point of my life I wore a rubber band around my left wrist. I would snap it when I wanted to STOP thinking about something. There was also one point of my life when I would get annihilated to slow all the spinning gears down. Some of that changes with self-actualization. Some doesn't. But, it is all a topic for another time. 

Here's a link to this great program:
http://www.mercyhurst.edu/learning-differences/foundations-program/

Buckle your seatbelts! It's ETHICS!

Last night at work, we admitted a gunshot wound to the head. As I went out to the waiting room to retrieve his parents and his sister, I wondered if he thought of their suffering. I wondered if they thought of his suffering that lead him to his final actions. There is nothing you can say when you experience people's sorrow on that level. These are the moments I no longer share with my husband. It is too much for him, and maybe too much for me. In some ways, it amazes me how I can stare at a human being bleeding uncontrollably,  being intubated, or declining neurologically without flinching once. I can feel the lump in my throat form while watching a mother weep over her son who is being kept alive simple to harvest his organs (to help another person in great need). A stony face comes in handy, but it doesn't mean you are not aching inside or on a good day filled with divine joy.

Back to last night. When I am thinking of a few  concepts, at the same time, sometimes they blend together. Like when I am thinking about our gunshot victim and genetic testing for autism or other "abnormal" genetic markers. I am curious about my own DNA. But, it is the same level of curiosity  I would express towards taking apart a clock to see the functioning of the gears. We are complex machines. I am not a Burroughs fan (though Beats are great), I do like Robert Wyatt-- so let's say we are are complex, soft machines. I want to know what my gray matter looks like. I want to see a map of my thought process. Of your thought process. Of the thought process of a frog. HOWEVER, I do not want to change any of it. Before we can decide how to "help" someone live a fulfilling life, we need to define a fulfilling life.

All humans suffer. And, the degree of that suffering is relative. If the worse thing you have ever experienced is a hang nail. It is your worse experience. If someone else's worse experience was the new onset of MS, that would be their worse suffering. Yet neither person will understand how those situations effect the other, how debilitating or how motivating.

When I attended the IMFAR conference, I was conflicted about a handful of things. Research for knowledge sake is a beautiful thing. Understanding and growth accompany each other. But, I am not naive. I worked at a pharmacy for four years. Snake oil salesmen still exist. I wondered how long it would take for oxytocin nasal spray to hit the masses at close to $100 (if we're lucky) a pop. And, I also realized there were  people in those rooms looking to identify autism genes with the hopes of obliterating them. I am not one of those people. Sure, I want to know the names of those genes. I want to see them. But, "mutations" has a negative connotation even if we are sitting in a room full of scientists. I realize mutations got us out of the water, but I consider myself a far cry from the Toxic Avenger. Okay, semantics is another entry completely. You get it-- I am not a mutant. If someone had identified my mutant genes and altered them, I would not be me. I like me. I've had some rough times, but not without purpose. I should mention that purpose may not always be event to me. It doesn't have to be. The human experience is composed of many taut strings called people and their lives. We fit together to form a plane with the tension of a tennis racket. Time is the ball. If one string is not taut or is removed-- the ball doesn't bounce to its full potential.

Here's where I try to exercise the theory of mind so often discussed. Some parents have children who are placed on the most severe end of the autism spectrum. They see what they perceive as their child's suffering daily. They themselves suffer. They want to help their child. They want to help themselves. It is all so slippery. Why is it okay to use behavior modification on my daughters who are labeled higher functioning but not okay to alter the genetic code of  a non-verbal, self-harming individual? I don't have an answer for that. But, I should disclose I worked with a group called L'Arche even before my diagnosis. A different and what some call disabled life is NOT LESS of a life. I believe neuro-typical and physio-typical people just don't know how to integrate non-similarities into their life.

Then again, wading through the experience of life and death on a daily basis, I wonder how much is too much. How much has our technological ego enabled us to enable suffering. Quality versus quantity argument. The sick wolf leaving the pack to die argument. But, that sick wolf lived a life before its decline. It contributed, for better or for worse, to the character and livelihood of the  pack. It made the pack what it is. How could we be so bold as to try to skip steps in our own chronology? How could we feel so confident to wrench the pen out of the hand writing our collective history? Sure, some people say it is time to write that history with a typewriter. Better yet, some of us are crazy enough to think we can write it on a Brother word processor!

So, again, back to last night. If someone told that man's parents when he was just an embryo in his mother's uterus they could detect his future mental health, would they take the test? If they were told it would prevent their child years of suffering through mental health issues and horrible self-inflicted death, would they? If the test was taken and they were told modification or a terminated pregnancy could take away the suffering of watching their child die in such a way, would they? What if that child would touch countless others with his humor, relative good nature, or kindness in spite his depression? What if he created masterpieces of art that would only be discovered after his untimely death? What if he had notebooks filled with theories that could help humanity? What would they do? Everyone suffers. Everyone has their own joy-- sometimes fleeting. Are we so bold and so brazen to think we can control and, more disturbingly, profit off of each extreme?

Whew... that is just one night's worth electricity jumping around my gray matter. I think I will decompress and do some laundry.

Splitting Hairs

These are some of the situations the general public needs to understand about autism. These are situations that the neurotypical public whitewash with a shrug and a "what's the big deal" mentality. These are situations that lead to accusations of spoiled children lacking discipline or simple misbehavior. And, that breaks my heart. I know from personal experience there is a huge gap in understanding. I feel lucky I learned to try to keep my mouth shut, even if I do find it unjust. However, with my daughters, I am trying to implement the best tactics I know-- most come under the blanket adaptive behavioral therapies. However, sometimes, you hold your child by the heel and dip them in head first-- hoping the experience will lead them to be more resilient.

When Sine, Cosine, and I went to last week's IEP, one of the five teachers/faculty present asked me how I tell the girls apart, because they appear identical. I don't understand this-- because they are NOT by any means identical to me. Yet, I have heard this enough to know the majority of the people we've encountered do see them as such. I casually mentioned a possible haircut in the near future. And, Sine's demeanor immediately changed. She stiffened. Her tone of voice changed. This would not be happening she informed us. Cosine then piped up to say she wanted a haircut. I tried to defuse by saying it is a possibility but would NOT be happening any time soon. I considered this like our frequently used five minute warnings for transitions. Some day, not today.

Almost a week later, Cosine approached me about a haircut. These kids do not let go of much. Once it is out there, expect to hear about it again and possibly often. Sine began to panic. Sheer panic. I started the comforting talk and the soothing actions. However, this is when I needed to make a choice. Entertain Sine's rigidity and deny her sister an opportunity she actively wanted to pursue or keep going.

We had faced this type of grand meltdown before when we had to get Sine to break down many of the huge structures, "tents", Sine had built throughout the house. One of my best friends has been employed as a teacher and parental resource, specializing in ASD, for almost two decades. She told me get it now. The longer you let the behavior to continue the harder it will be to break or change. For as mechanical as I can appear, it bothered me to break down my daughters' lives simply into a series of wanted or unwanted behaviors. But, it had to be done. I didn't want to envision my daughter having what others would view as "temper tantrums" at the age of forty. I wanted to give her the tools to move past difficulties, not because it is so important what others think of her-- but so she can be comfortable with herself, understand herself. I want her to feel strong, confident, and if possible, in control.

As I started to prepare a separate room as Cosine's barber shop, Sine began to pull at my arms and drag herself as she sobbed. She wailed, she clung to my legs, and ultimately, she began to scream. I tried to talk her down with explanations-- Cosine would still be the same person. Sine could still play with Cosine, and Cosine would still love her. There would be no condolences. I made Sine sit somewhere she wouldn't have to witness the act. I put a movie on she'd enjoy. I gave her her favorite blanket. And, still the sobbing continued. Part of me wanted to stop, to make her feel better. However, Cosine deserved to assert her individuality if she wanted to.

I could hear Sine sobbing and moving around the next room as I reaffirmed Cosine's decision. She looked beautiful. She would feel so much more comfortable. She was such a big girl and being a good listener by sitting so still. I could tell it was bothering her that Sine didn't support her choice. As I had brushed Cosine off, changed her shirt and gave her a big hug, Sine slowly came back into the room. "See!" I brightly said, "It's all over and everyone is okay!" Cosine want on to confirm, "I'm okay! We can still play." Sine whimpered and continued to chew on her blanket.

Cosine went off to continue her previous activities. I scooped up Sine. This is when the coddling goes into full force. I try to get her emotions balanced and her respiratory rate normalized by softly whispering and gently petting her hair while squeezing her extra tight. The effects were immediate. We started to review what happen. I helped her find words to express what set her off or what issue we needed to address. More sighing replaced the screaming. A nuzzling face to my chest replaced the stiff limbs. We again were faced with this: change will happen whether or not we want it to... and sometimes (most) times it is good.

After Sine had returned to a comfortable frame of mind, I made her rescue all the framed photos of Cosine out of the trash. Yes, while I was cutting Cosine's hair, she had collected all the evidence of Cosine with long hair and destroyed them by throwing them in the trash. That is how overwhelming the situation was for her. A simple hair cut had the potential of erasing an indescribably close bond with her twin sister. To think a teacher, a future employer, or even an uninformed relative would approach her and flatly tell her to "get over it" is beyond cruel in my mind.

By simply taking a little extra time and offering Sine some understanding and support, she was able to move through it not just passed it. Not only was she already able to compliment Cosine on her new hairstyle but she has approached me about trimming a "little" bit off of her own hair. Whew!

IMFAR: day one lecture notes transcribed (2/5)

Here is the second and long overdue installment of my transcribed notes from the first day at IMFAR. It has taken me longer than I had hoped to work on these. Sometimes life takes over, they say. Yesterday, I had the kindergarten transition meeting with Sine and Cosine in tow. Myself and five other participants reviewed, discussed, and eventual accepted Sine's new IEP. It was also agreed upon that a watchful eye would be kept on any emerging needs of Cosine (after I provided documentation of her ADOS testing and its accompanying recommendations of further psychological evaluation). I will definitely explore this process more in upcoming blogs.

Also, we have been doing some home improvement. As much as I enjoy the conceptual planning and the physical tasks at hand, it is stressful when I have to gingerly accommodate the improvements against my daily routines. My daily routines provide me with as much comfort as a Valium does to others.

Also, I have cut my hours down at work, finally acknowledging I have been living my life teetering on the brink of collapse. I am hoping for more time to spend with my family and more time to dedicate to more writing & (fun for me) illustrations.

Here's the next piece in the puzzle.

Invited Educational Symposium: Friendship in ASD through Life Span: Nature, Trajectories, Importance and Treatment

Paraphrased overview from program book: Having friends is important to a child's well-being and development of cognitive, linguistic, and social skills in typical development. 60-75% of individuals with ASD experience difficulties in forming friendships. Yet, it is an overlooked topic. Enhancing friendship in ASD will be considered by reviewing individual, familial, and environmental observed, quantitative and qualitative, components.


The Beginning of Friendship- Friendship in Preschoolers with HFASD: New Evidence and Implications.
N. Bauminger-Zviely/ School of Education, Bar-Ilan University, Ramat Gan, Israel

• conceptual different from typical peer interaction


• chosen specific peer over long period of time


• have shared history and shared emotional process


• “closeness” = proximity preference


• develop trust


• friends are stable and durable


• based on caregiver attachment


• markers and forms change


• higher level of engagement in joint tasks


• increase in reciprocal language


• cognitively important


• cyclical: need to have – have to need


• in ASD, 10-44% lacking friendship (number of friends decrease with age)


• sisters = friends (both ASD)


• friends younger or also disabled


• mothers believe teacher mediation important to forming friendships


• teachers believe teacher mediation is NOT important to forming friendships


• mutual preference important


• w/ friend: terms of affection in the form of nicknames


• w/ friend: shows imaginative play and touching


• w/o stillness and withdrawal


• didactic interaction lacking


• use of “buddy” encourages


• w/ HAS- shared experiences about fun not fear


• w/ HAS- less complex social pretend play


• both showing encouragement and comforting


• w/ HAS less vocalization


• reciprocity observed in both (quality different)


• w/ HAS solve problems slower, few comments, few coordinated action/gesture


• more efficient in 2nd experiences- learn and acquire skills


• friendship feasible and meaningful


• friendship should be specific aim for early intervention


• with no early friends, higher degrees of loneliness, no deeper quality relationships, and anxiety


• developing friendships develop individual

One small step for a little girl, one great step for us

Or what ASD looks like on paper.

On Friday, Sine and Cosine moved on and out of preschool. They had a "ceremony" in which they sang about a dozen little ditties with their fellow students. Pretty cute. At one point, Sine got distracted by a baby in a carrier, and stopping singing for a few minutes. And, Cosine spent a few moments correcting a follow student on how to count into a song. I was impressed by every moment of it. Equally, that I managed not to verbal attack their teacher was impressive. Her name shall be known far and wide, coast to coast, as one of the WORST teachers ever. I think I have previously mentioned her sensitivities and skill  (lack thereof) of dealing with two beautiful, gifted, and loving girls with ASD.

On Friday, I received their "report cards".  And, it's happening all over again. Reading their subjective reviews was like reading fistfuls of report cards from my youth. They were something I used to emphasis what ASD can look like to an educator or parent if not diagnosed and intervention started when I spoke on a panel of ASD adults. Fortunately, for Cosine and especially Sine, we have started that process.

Lacking time, I will briefly list the areas where they needed "learning". However, there were ten times as many skills that they have mastered. I do not want anyone to think I don't celebrate their achievements. I have been told many times that academically they could skip kindergarten. So, it isn't so much the concrete skills giving cause for alarm. I, too, did very well academically... in subjects I found interesting. These areas of needed improvement are strictly in behavioral/social areas. Just like their momma.

Sine's troubled areas: follows class rules/routine, follows direction, plays cooperatively with other children, shares with others, waits for turns, can suppress tendency to interrupt, and displays self-control. She also was marked as unable to do a somersault. Sine expresses a bit more physical rigidity than Cosine. I have mentioned this before as like trying to fold an ironing board.

Cosine's troubled areas: shares with others, waits turns, can suppress tendency to interrupt, and displays self-control.

Some of these things seem age appropriate to me in ANY child. However, it is when patterns start to emerge and level of  their severity. I wonder how many of these things would have been better mastered if the girls had a teacher even remotely informed about ASD or somewhat interested in teaching a child who wasn't an easy product of a cookie cutter. Unfortunately, I have heard other complaints from other parents. Apparently, there were issues with this teacher in high grades. So, as the Catholic school system is so well-known for doing, they just moved her around instead of dealing with it. And, they wonder why we aren't going back.

I am very hopefully that early intervention on many levels will give the girls the tools they need to climb over obstacles. They are smart girls. I have seen changes in them already. I look forward to a fun summer with zoo classes, swimming classes, summer reading program, and a week-long nature camp for the girls. I am already finding some resources to reinforce some learning over these next few months. But, I will demand there be plenty of goofing off as well!

Another recent consideration I may write a bit more about alter, we considering buying a security system for the house. Not so much because we fear a break-in. It's because the break-outs have been on the rise. Both Sine and Cosine have taken to letting themselves out of the house. Apparently, this is symptomatic aslo. And, I remember being disciplined for leaving the house and wandering without telling anyone at a VERY young age numerous times. I spent a lot of time not being where I was supposed to be in my youth. As a parent, this is a very scary development.

Also, I recently had to take Cosine to a specialist because of her acid reflux. I didn't even know a five and a half year old could get that! It was suggested she may have a food allergy-- gluten. She is also allergic to tomatoes, making her mouth red and itchy. The physician recommended a prescription to be used daily, but I have concern about putting my child on a maintenance drug (ghosts from working in a pharmacy for years). So, we will be modifying our diets as a start. Thanks goodness we already belong to the food co-op. Sine also has some digestive issues, but her's are more southern in latitude. Again, it amazes me how cliche some of their (our) symptomatology seems. But, that only convinces me more there are universal physiological markers and processes taking place in person's with ASD. Why? How? What code is being written or unwritten to make these changes?

Can you smell that smell?

I've never been too terribly concerned with the social delays of my ASD/Asperger's. Well, not now that I am a 41yr old woman with a husband, two children, and a close group of friends. I will admit it does still operate like a mangled jack-in-the-box at the workplace sometimes... most of the time. But, it equates more with a having to do and tolerate things/people I don't want to. Things I don't understand. Like, why should I have to listen to you talk incessantly about your dogs. I mean, I'll give you the first few times. But, when you regularly talk about your dog's bowel movement just for the sake of talking, I've got to move on. I grew up with dogs. I understand dogs. Likewise, although I have children I live my life for, I do NOT want to hear about the plans for your baby shower. Not unless it is on the moon Europa-- that would be cool.

I don't understand how neuro-typical people can handle that. Social exchange: you tell me something about yourself and then I tell you something about myself just to fill space. People are scared of silence. I never needed that. There are times I am genuinely interested. Overly interested. And, there are times when I am  listening to you because I know those are the rules. It is kind of like how I tack on, "And, I hope you're doing well" to the end of my phone messages. Reciprocation. I figure people should just assume I care. But, they don't. I am not a sociopath or a monster-- I care. But, that doesn't change day to day, so I have trouble understanding why I need to express it everyday.  Aside, I have very rigid ideas about friends versus acquaintances. It is a concept that looks like a bull's eye. I will not call someone my friend if they are not. I'll use the words acquaintance or co-worker, but not friend. That word means something and carries weight.

 Because I saddled up with the misfits, heads, and punks during school, especially high school-- I was never forced to do much of a social waltz. I was revered for my stand-off-ish persona. Yet, I am working hard to get my daughters the early intervention because they need to learn things people call simple like: asking for help, inviting children over to play, and acknowledging children when they come over to play. These are all skills that can be integrated. And, ones that will eventually help them find and keep friends. Find and keep jobs. So, if I feel that is important for my children, it must be important overall (throwing a blanket in a sweeping gesture).

Wait! This blog was supposed to be about sensitivities. I have briefly mentioned some of mine when I spoke about turtleneck tortures and caraway seed assassins. But, one that smacked me right in the face recently? Right in the first half hour of the IMFAR conference? Odors-- positive and negative. In many situations, they are one and the same. Let me start this off with a little anecdote. People do seem to love those. I don't really. You know, like GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!

While working as a clerk in a record store (one selling used vinyl, CDs, videos, super-8s, what have you), the director Stephen Frears was filming the movie High Fidelity in my neighborhood. He did a casting call for extras in our store. Chaos! Every star in Chicago waiting to be discovered showed  up. It was good for a laugh. One of the casting people approached me and asked if I would be interested in letting them use my vintage motorcycle in a scene... and if I'd like to be an extra. I let it soak a bit, and said "yes" to the extra part. I had never done anything like that and wanted to see a movie being filmed. I said "no" to the motorcycle part. I spent two days sitting around during halted production, making minimum while some starlet got her haircut. I befriend some of the gaffers, makeup people, and other tech persons by being curious and asking questions (lots of). Soon, they were showing me pictures of their kids and getting me bottles of water. Eventually, I would get on film, playing a bartender. Big whoop. I recently bought the DVD, ten years after the fact. Because, I think it would be good ammo when my girls are teenagers and don't think I am or ever was "cool". At that point I will blow the dust off the DVD, pop it in the player, and say, "See! See! Your mom was in a movie. Now, go clean your room."

I have never been one to understand the cult of personality or people's fascination with celebrities and all things Hollywood. Of course, I have my personal preferences, but they seem to be based more on being intrigued than starstruck. For example, Klaus Kinski or David Lynch or Crispin Glover or David Cronenberg.  So, when I got to stand right next to John Cusak, I was pretty calm. I didn't approach him. I kind of watched him out of the corner of my eye. Like you watch to see if a bird can figure its way out of a house through an open window. What was the most striking thing about John Cusak, besides being pretty tall? He smelled of Indian food, spicy. That's all I've got. Not really enough to phone Entertainment Tonight, huh?

Jump ahead ten plus years of the nose knowing. Ye know too much, my dear nose! I made sure I positioned myself nicely in reference to an audio speaker, in good view of the screen, and empty seats to either side. Toward the back row, of course. Suddenly, less than  fifteen minutes into the IMFAR conference introductions on the first morning, the seat beside me was pulled backwards. What the?!?!?! Well, that is pretty clever-- so you don't need to crawl over people, interrupting them. Then, it sat. The human flesh carrier of an overabundance of PERFUME AND POWDER! Good god, I thought. Are you kidding me, I beseeched. Wouldn't perfumes and colognes be ban at a conference on autism?! Apparently, no. The woman not only reeked of flowery scents so artificial that they would kill any true flora or fauna, but she looked like a huge powder puff. I am not trying to be unnecessarily cruel here. I was immediately distracted. I pulled my jacket collar up to my face. Deep breath, whew. I can do this, I encouraged myself. Something, somewhere is placing hurtles for me to overcome, I divinely rationalized. Then, she pulled out the BIG GUNS! Well, actually, a small travel sized bottle of baby powder. It applied a fresh dusting.  For God's sake! The inhumanity! Was she doing it on purpose? Then she flipped off her shoes. My aversion to other people's feet is a different blog entirely. My karma must have been fairly decent, or maybe I didn't mask my agitation as well as I thought. She moved after texting a bit and slipping her shoes back on. I don't need to  mention the breath of the person next to me during a later seminar. I think my point is clear.

I am not trying to be overly dramatic about these things. But, I am trying to show how sensitive, how overwhelmed, and how distracted I can get. I would rather smell the garlic someone ate last night wafting from their pores than someone' musky attempt of masking their own healthy odor. I would rather you stand next doused to me in sweat, then have you hang your jacket contaminated with perfume residue next to mine. I often don't want to hug close relatives because their perfume will get on my clothes. I would go as far as saying I know what my husband, children, and friends smell like. I try to focus more on scents I appreciate like wet dirt and cardamon. Sometimes, I will keep a cardamon seeds with me to diffuse adversesituations. It's all about coping mechanisms. There is some show on American television these days based on a Japanese game show. Contestants are placed in an over-sized, wet, moving, and loud obstacle course. This is as close as I can come to a suitable comparison to my day with my five sense. If they only made a helmet for that!

IMFAR: day one lecture notes transcribed (1/5)

These are just SOME of my notes as I am transcribing them. I am posting them straight without commentary for two reasons:  maybe someone can connect their own dots and I will not have to type everything twice. This is just a block from the first quarter of day one at IMFAR! I will process and comment with some additional information I gather after I figure out what the heck I wrote in the first place. Enjoy this appetiser.


DAY ONE

IMFAR conference purpose: identify questions, methodology, and collaboration




Geri Dawson (Chapel Hill) Autism Speaks


• Improve lives: detect, translate, treatment, disseminate


• PREVENTION? “INVESTMENT”?


• $170million in research support


• Top –bottom research


• Discover risk factors


• Method detection


• Quality of life for adults


• Drugs (for profit and non-profit)


• Novel treatments


• Dissemination to community esp. “underserved”


• AGRE genome project


• Use of rat models


• Outcome measures


• Toddler Treatment Network (17 medical centers serving 22,000)


• 34 countries


• DSM V funding two studies effects on prevalence and diagnostics






Alan Parker Simons Foundation SFARI


• Many areas: math, computers, physical science


• Check website for news stories


• Simons Simplex Collection


• De Novo gene disruption: 7q11.23


• Simons VIP


• Making bio-collections available to others


• List of over 200 implicated genes


• Identifies variant sequences


• Protein interactions


• Strength of research on risk factors


• ??animal models??


• sfari.org




Keynote Speaker: Ruth Feldman (Yale, Israel)
Bio-behavioral Synchrony and the Development of Social Reciprocity- Implications of Clinical Practice OXYTOCIN


• OXTR oxytocin receptor gene


• Martin Cooper “Face Menu”


• Bonding is selective and enduring for survival of species


• Types: peer, parietal, filial


• Rules of social exchange are learned


• Capacity for empathy


• Studies are emerging and intensifying BEHAVIORAL


• Synchrony- collaborate and build societies like ants, schools of fish, and sharks


• 4-channel


• Behavior to biology


• Mother/parent provide bio-cues and social cues building bonds to eventual social bonds (w/in time limit early pregnancy to 1st year of life)


• Post-partum behavior essential


• Mother’s body is a bio-regulator/ function to regulate


• Grooming- relaying heavily on tactile contact translates to “social” touch


• Gaze, motherease, affect, affectionate touch, social contingency program newborns


• Infant scanning used to detect


• Mothers provide stimulation


• Looking for phenotypes- gaze synchrony, parental touch


• At 3mo active with face to face “dance-like”


• 3-9mo CRITICAL to maintain gaze and tolerance, synchrony remains (affect and rhythm)


• Basic quality of interaction set in first few months


• fathers stimulate with novelty


• Mother framed w/ gaze


• OXYTOCIN in hypothalamus: social interaction, theory of mind, stress reduction (interacts with dopamine)


• Works in loop: more oxytocin = more touch = more oxytocin etc.


• Doesn’t readily cross blood/brain


• PNS CNS


• Early studies using plasma samples not brain


• Amounts varied but stable within individuals


• Tells about “openness”


• NO difference in levels of men and women (parents)


• Increased during bond formation of pregnancy and immediately after birth


• Also seen in the first 3mo of “falling in love”


• Not significant after 3yrs (in parent interactions)


• Types: parental, best friend, romantic


• CNS PNS coordinate (effect one and or both)


• Use oxytocin nasally in studies


• ASD related to oxytocin function (reciprocity and pathways CNS PNS)


• CD38/OXTR/rs3796863/rs2254298/rs1042778 (co-morbidity w/ depression)


• ASD levels markedly lower


• When parents low, children low


• Does it effect girls consistently?


• What happens when genetic risk is identified???


• Birth – 5yrs


• Double blind research- administered to parents not children b/c of parallel effect of oxytocin (high risk infants), co-evaluation of mother and father care


• Longer gaze


• Synchrony uses mirror neuron NOT rt. amygdala, longer duration, more organized activation


• intrusiveness and gaze aversion uses amygdala not mirror neurons “choppy”


• coherent vs. disorganized anxiety


• temporal, parietal


• studies in post-partum depression

Dibble Dibble Dop!

These are just SOME of my notes as I am transcribing them. I am posting them straight without commentary for two reasons:  maybe someone can connect their own dots and I will not have to type everything twice. This is just a block from the first quarter of day one at IMFAR! I will process and comment with some additional information I gather after I figure out what the heck I wrote in the first place. Enjoy this appetiser. Also, I had the privilege of taking all my notes in a beautiful little journal made by one of my bestest best, Nonna Clancy (psst, that's a nickname). She is a very talented book conservator and binder. And, she is generous. I am the proud owner of her work as are The Dumplings.


DAY ONE


IMFAR conference purpose: identify questions, methodology, and collaboration




Geri Dawson (Chapel Hill) Autism Speaks


• Improve lives: detect, translate, treatment, disseminate


• PREVENTION? “INVESTMENT”?


• $170million in research support


• Top –bottom research


• Discover risk factors


• Method detection


• Quality of life for adults


• Drugs (for profit and non-profit)


• Novel treatments


• Dissemination to community esp. “underserved”


• AGRE genome project


• Use of rat models


• Outcome measures


• Toddler Treatment Network (17 medical centers serving 22,000)


• 34 countries


• DSM V funding two studies effects on prevalence and diagnostics






Alan Parker Simons Foundation SFARI


• Many areas: math, computers, physical science


• Check website for news stories


• Simons Simplex Collection


• De Novo gene disruption: 7q11.23


• Simons VIP


• Making bio-collections available to others


• List of over 200 implicated genes


• Identifies variant sequences


• Protein interactions


• Strength of research on risk factors


• ??animal models??


• sfari.org




Keynote Speaker: Ruth Feldman (Yale, Israel)
Bio-behavioral Synchrony and the Development of Social Reciprocity- Implications of Clinical Practice OXYTOCIN

Paraphrased overview from program book: Cconceptual model of bio-behavioral synchrony (the coordination of psychological and behavioral response between attachment partners during social contact), theoretical and empirical framework for the study of attachment bonds and origins of social reciprocity. Study of hormonal response in the form of gaze, vocal, affective, and touch modalities. OT oxytocin provides the neurohormonal substrate for parental, romantic, and filial attachments. Various forms of close relationships express similar synchronized behavior and OT increase and is mutual-influencing among close partners. OT is linked to distinct patterns of brain activation and genetic markers. The use of OT and behavioral interventions for social disorders in early childhood are implicated in increased human affiliation, social reciprocity through the matrix of biological attunement and close behavioral synchrony.


• OXTR oxytocin receptor gene


• Martin Cooper “Face Menu”


• Bonding is selective and enduring for survival of species


• Types: peer, parietal, filial


• Rules of social exchange are learned


• Capacity for empathy


• Studies are emerging and intensifying BEHAVIORAL


• Synchrony- collaborate and build societies like ants, schools of fish, and sharks


• 4-channel


• Behavior to biology


• Mother/parent provide bio-cues and social cues building bonds to eventual social bonds (w/in time limit early pregnancy to 1st year of life)


• Post-partum behavior essential


• Mother’s body is a bio-regulator/ function to regulate


• Grooming- relaying heavily on tactile contact translates to “social” touch


• Gaze, motherease, affect, affectionate touch, social contingency program newborns


• Infant scanning used to detect


• Mothers provide stimulation


• Looking for phenotypes- gaze synchrony, parental touch


• At 3mo active with face to face “dance-like”


• 3-9mo CRITICAL to maintain gaze and tolerance, synchrony remains (affect and rhythm)


• Basic quality of interaction set in first few months


• fathers stimulate with novelty


• Mother framed w/ gaze


• OXYTOCIN in hypothalamus: social interaction, theory of mind, stress reduction (interacts with dopamine)


• Works in loop: more oxytocin = more touch = more oxytocin etc.


• Doesn’t readily cross blood/brain


• PNS CNS


• Early studies using plasma samples not brain


• Amounts varied but stable within individuals


• Tells about “openness”


• NO difference in levels of men and women (parents)


• Increased during bond formation of pregnancy and immediately after birth


• Also seen in the first 3mo of “falling in love”


• Not significant after 3yrs (in parent interactions)


• Types: parental, best friend, romantic


• CNS PNS coordinate (effect one and or both)


• Use oxytocin nasally in studies


• ASD related to oxytocin function (reciprocity and pathways CNS PNS)


• CD38/OXTR/rs3796863/rs2254298/rs1042778 (co-morbidity w/ depression)


• ASD levels markedly lower


• When parents low, children low


• Does it effect girls consistently?


• What happens when genetic risk is identified???


• Birth – 5yrs


• Double blind research- administered to parents not children b/c of parallel effect of oxytocin (high risk infants), co-evaluation of mother and father care


• Longer gaze


• Synchrony uses mirror neuron NOT rt. amygdala, longer duration, more organized activation


• intrusiveness and gaze aversion uses amygdala not mirror neurons “choppy”


• coherent vs. disorganized anxiety


• temporal, parietal


• studies in post-partum depression

When it rears it ugly head or great last day!

This morning I woke up early to attend a group focusing on the female profile within ASD. Can't imagine getting a more perfect and pertinent topic for a woman on the spectrum with twin girls on the spectrum. So, I made my way through the deserted Saturday morning streets of Toronto's financial district . It reminded me of the possible beginning of a George Romero movie. All is quiet, and then ZOMBIES! I made it to the Sheraton without a single bite mark by 7am. I figured it was going to be one of the most personally rewarding seminars of the weekend. But... then... when we were all streaming into the conference room someone suggested group circles. I froze. I could suddenly recall every group circle I'd had been in since about second graded streaming by my eyelids like a high speed slide show. And, then I left. I couldn't handle the butterflies that started or the tension rising in my shoulders. What if someone asked me a question? Were we going to take turns? I didn't want to play. Those are the times I feel disappointment in myself. Did I just miss a great opportunity simply because ten other people might ask me to say my name? Yes. However, I waited until after its completion to go back,  taking a moment to briefly explain the structure made me uncomfortable. It is NEVER my intention to insult anyone by turning away from them while they are talking. I wanted to make that clear to the VERY nice people directing the group. I did put my name on an email list. And, I hope more information can be found online after the fact. It is one of my main directives to work more with young girls on the spectrum in my community. Lending my positive experiences and mistakes up as life lessons to them. More research on my part will only strength any programs created in conjunction with others here in Erie, like Janet Pawlowski.

The keynote speaker of the day was Alan Evans discussing the Structural Connectivity in Neurodevelopment. Now, this is my kind of brain candy. When working on my degree in Liberal Arts with two minors at Penn State, one of the minors was psychology. While studying psychology, I realized most facets are still too closely rooted in its philosophical origins and loosely subjective. Then came neuropsychology and neuroscience to save the day. I still have a soft spot in my heart for those subjects. Plus, working in a surgical intensive care unit now makes me very familiar with many of the tools used in the research like MRIs and EEGs. Studies like these put into words the feeling I have that my brain is functioning differently. I am seeing, hearing, deducting differently. Is it the more gray, less white? Less calories with better taste? Is that possible? Yes, and show me! Please. Again, once I go over my notes (translate my handwriting which is ridiculous to even me, the stenographer), I will break down each session, retelling with my opinions inserted here and there. Can you see my brain was like an open bottle of vinegar duct taped to an open box of baking soda? I do wish I would have extended myself more to the other grantees.

The ride home was a labor. It is Victoria Day weekend in Canada, which apparently means everyone hits the road to go open up their cottages sprinkled along the Lakes. Stop and go for the first half. Then an hour at the border. I tried to remain patient, but the idling use of gas kills me. The border guard was rude, but he didn't hassle us. I had the wherewithall to realize he probably wasn't in the mood for jokes about tropical birds, ash beetles, zebra muscles, or illegal immigrants. I am surprised Kristy Korea didn't haul off and punch me a few times this weekend, especially while driving with me. This is a shocker, but traveling with me or spending more than eight consecutive hours with me can be a bit trying. I'll admit I can come across as argumentative and less than patient... often.

I arrived home to find two little mermaids in the bathtub. The two main reason why I went to IMFAR in Toronto this weekend. Sine greeted me with a song. A complete song. And, even thinking about that now chokes me up a little. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but Sine usually can't maintain an interpersonal exchange like that long enough to complete even half a song. She was telling me she missed me. Cosine showed me her digger bee "bite". At bedtime, I took the girls up separately-- reading to each of them alone. They rarely get to spend time with me one on one, letting me get to know them each better. I am thinking it needs to happen more to help Sine with her reading/phonetics delay without slowing Cosine's second grade reading level down. But, it lets them each talk to me uninterrupted. And, the three of us all need some communication skills practice!

When we were finally all in bed saying our good nights (Daddy needed a motorcycle ride after three days with the girls alone), I was reminded again of why I do EVERYTHING I do. Cosine rested in the crook of my arm while asking me whether or not Sisyphus died, what the peak of the mountain looked like, and how big was the boulder. Oh, and did he wear a toga like Greeks and Romans. I tried my best to fully answer them all. Sine, as she lay draped across my belly, asked me if the Earth would exist in the future and what color the Sun would be as it started dying. We discussed how Earth would burn up as the Sun expanded and how new planet & suns could form from the dust and gases let over. Then we talked about things most five and a half year old girls talk about-- princesses. More specifically Ethiopian princesses as we listened to the aria of Aida by Verdi. I may not be a typical mother, but I am a good mother. One glad to be home with her Dumplings.

IMFAR so far

We arrived in Toronto on Wednesday... late. As I expected, I started talking about something on the 401 and completely forgot to get off on the 427. But, now, I know a guy who knows a guy on the Westside of Toronto who makes a great falafel. Thank goodness, Kristy Korea was able to keep me sane. And, force me to laugh now and then. The best jokes are born out of increasingly stressful situations. Just ask Groucho Marx. We managed to get checked into the hotel by 9:30pm. Feeling hungry and deserving of a beverage, we went to a place called Jack Aster's. We chose that bar, because nowhere else near by seemed open. Geeesh, there were at least five TVs in every square foot in the place. Thumping music blaring. And, all I wanted was a sandwich. I ordered a basket of bread. We left, returning to the hotel. The Strathcona, built in the 1940s, has been refurbished to look kind like an Ikea showroom. The room is simple, but that is all we need. By the time I fell asleep, I was already missing my daughters. However, not as bad as when I went across the country to San Francisco.

On Thursday, I woke up early. Showered and hit the pavement (after dressing, Canada is liberal but not THAT liberal). I made a promise to myself I would utilize this conference to upmost. I got to see the introductions by the IMFAR, Autism Speaks, and the Simons Foundation representatives. Then I was able to catch the keynote speaker, Ruth Feldman speak on Bio-behavioral Synchrony and the Development of Social Reciprocity.  Then I sat in on an Invited Educational Symposium about Friendship in ASD throughout the Lifespan. That cluster of discussions included: The Beginning of Friendship- Friendship in Preschoolers with HFASD, Using Parent Supervised Play Dates to Improve Peer Relationships for Elementary School Children with HFASD, Friendships in Adolescence: Developmental Challenges in Those with ASD, and Friendships and Social Activities in Individuals with ASD in Adulthood. After, I had my photo taken with the other grantees. The representatives for Autism Science Foundation have been very friendly throughout these couple of days. Again, I would like to express my gratitude for the opportunity this granted provided. And, John Elder Robison for posting the link which motivated me enough to apply.

After a pizza break, I went back for the award ceremony. I would like to say I snuck Kristy in so she could have somewhat of an idea as to how I am spending while she had the opportunity to explore Toronto-- but I would never do that. I found Susan Folstein to be someone I would like to know more about.  Her work with twin studies and ASD parents with ASD children are very close to home. I absolutely LOVE that Temple Grandin took the time to emphasize more work be done on sensitivity issues. Mostly, because that is THE main thing I feel is most important to the person with ASD themselves. Sure, in a social world one has to learn to socialize and communicate. But, that is difficult to even consider when you are being bombarded by sensory issues. And, if more research is to be done on sensory issues, we have to move a little further out of the nursery with our test subjects.

We returned to the hotel for some pub food and an early bedtime.

I woke up this morning early enough to see Susan Daniels from the NIH. That was informative. Tracking the data and the funding. Something more concrete to soak in. How much are they spending on autism research? Now I know where to look, www. iacc.hhs.gov.  Michael Lake from the Canadian Parliament then gave a few words of encouragement to the field of research. After that, I got to listen to Bernie Devlin speak about the Common and Rare Genetic Variants in the Etiology of ASD. Even when I was studying the basics of neuropsychology, I always found myself drawn to the biology of the codes animo acids to build the enzymes needed to regulate EVERYTHING in our body. He was pretty engaging. Next I sat on a symposium focusing on Biology-based Classifications and Predication in ASD: Promises and Pitfalls.  It included: Critical Clinical Needs in Classification and Prediction in Older Children, Adolescents, & Adults with ASD, Analysis of Imagining Patterns Using Pattern Recognition Methods, and Cognitive Neuroscience Approach to Early Identification of Autism. I, unfortunately, didn't stay for the last presentation. I needed some lunch.

After lunch I bopped around a little between conference rooms to catch a bit of things all happening at the same time under the catchalls of Core Symptoms and Early Developmental Processes and Trajectories in ASD: Infant and Toddler studies. The presentations I saw were as follows: Developmental Course of Symptom Severity in Preschool Children with ASD, Assessment of Social Communication in Infants a High Risk for ASD, "Sticky Attention" in Autism, Developmental Trajectories of Attention to Social & Non-social Events as a Function of Chronological & Mental Age in Children with ASD, ASD Toddlers Present Deficits in Their Ability to Track Social Cues of Others, Measuring Interactive Developmental Pathways in ASD, Unique Acoustic Characteristics of Children with ASD, and Motor Development and Its Relation to Cognitive and Language Development in Children at High Risk. Next, I attended an update on the DSM-5 recommendations. Packed! With all the controversy surrounding the changes that was what you could consider the peek of drama at a research conference. Everyone handled themselves well, though. The final block of presentations for the evening were a scientific panel focusing on the Challenges for Children with ASD in School. The first focused on transitions into school age after early interventions and on teacher/student relationships. I found this timely considering the issues I have been having with the girls preschool teacher AND that I am in the process of setting up meetings to choreograph the girls' transition into kindergarten. Next in the line up was a presentation on Academic Engagement of Minimally Verbal Children with ASD in School. I wanted to get a little insight into other ends of the spectrum, especially if I plan on doing more work within my community. After that? DINNER.

I am now listening to Kristy Korea tell me about her trip to the Toronto Art Museum, trying not to be too jealous. We'll go to dinner now, maybe heading out for more pub food and early bed. I plan on going to  one Special Interest Group at 7am tomorrow morning focusing on the female profile in ASD. Then, time to head home.

I have been taking copious notes. I will share more information and opinions once I am home. I think the drive back will be better, now I have the route in my head and just need to flip it. I can't wait to see the girls, and give them the little dresses I bought them. I have spent little money, which is good. I have been able to focus on the conference without too much distraction. But, I will have to come back to Toronto again soon. I feel like I should have extended myself to more people here. But, I didn't. I was able to navigate all the baby powder, banana, and coffee breath odors. I let people bump into me without completely losing it. All in all, good trip.

I apologize for any typos or sentence fragments. I am writing this on a foreign laptop in a foreign room in a foreign (but western) city. More later.