If we were to know bacon by the name of "rose", it would still smell like bacon. I have been trying to formulate a response to certain articles and changes that are being purposed around Asperger's and autism diagnostics. Recently, I read an editorial in the New York Times that I found a bit upsetting and disturbing. I often applaud the Times' ability to print as close to both sides of the story as you can get (no matter if done under a "liberal" label). However, to see someone vent about their own personal issues under the guise of changing how thousands of people see themselves is shameful. Sir, write a letter to your mother and tell her you're a big boy now. Tell her you didn't like the way she raised you. Tell her you're not a "nerd" anymore. But, keep myself, my daughter, and any other adult or child with Asperger's out of your self imposed dilemma.
If I gleaned properly, I could take home that my daughter is not "retarded" enough to be considered on even the tip of the autism spectrum. I should learn to just realize she is a loser and move on, huh? Well, my daughter has Asperger's. My daughter is not disabled. She is just different. And, different does not hold any negative connotation in my mind. Apples and oranges are different. Some people prefer oranges over apples. But, that is ok. I like both, especially apples with peanut butter.
My daughter (GES) started showing signs of Asperger's at a very early age. She refused to make eye contact. She physically resisted it. And, if she was persuaded to do it, the exchange was extremely brief. She would cover her ears and, basically, shut down when dealing with loud noises or even the noise of crowds. As she grew older, her temper tantrums seems more severe. She would hit herself when frustrated. She had difficulty with speech to the point of getting a battery of hearing tests and therapy. She wouldn't go play with other children when entering a playground. She would obsessively talk about Scholastic books, regardless of what was being discussed at the moment. She would spin in circles. She walked on her tippy toes. She loved to dance, but didn't seem to have the same flexibility or agility of other children her age. She had issues with toilet training. She would line her toys up, instead of use "imaginary" play. She resisted kisses.
And, many of these issues continue to this day. She is now five and a half. Some of these characteristics would seem somewhat normal if they existed independently of each other. But, they don't. Plus, GES has a twin sister. MAS is extremely bright, too. For example, she reads at a second grade reading level (with great comprehension). She does not exhibit all the same symptoms as her sister. She manifests some of the characteristics of high-functioning autism and/or Asperger's, but doesn't hit ALL the bullets. This only makes GES' traits seem more glaring. However, they are both beautiful, talented, loving, brilliant children. Spoken like a true mother.
Myself, I could careless if my daughters become the prom queen or president of the student council. In some ways, I would prefer they don't-- many of my most successful friends avoided those trappings in high school. And, too, I don't necessarily want my children to be viewed as abnormal or atypical, IE. broken. I want to know what I can do to help my children live a fulfilling, happy, and productive life. GES' diagnosis and intervention will help her do just that. With hard work, I hope she does come to a day where she is able to socialize with less awkwardness and handle a barge of sensory stimuli without shutting down. But, when that day comes, it doesn't mean she will no longer be autistic. It just means she will be better equipped through years of education and intervention.
It is no different than teaching your gifted basketball player how to play baseball. He may learn the game well, even succeed. But, that will not make him any less of a gifted basketball player.
I experience some of the same issues as an adult with Asperger's. "But, you look normal." Or, "No, you don't have Asperger's. You're just a jerk." And, this is a good one, "Nah, you have friends." It has taken me forty plus years to build a haphazard skill set which allows me to navigate social interactions with the grace of a crippled buffalo. I am proud that I have had "epiphanies" throughout my life telling me things like, "Don't always say what comes to your mind out loud." Every once in a while I am told I am abrupt or abrasive. But, now, I can go out in public with a certain degree of ease and comfort (that may last only a maximum of fifteen minutes). I can hold my own in a conversation, and with extra effort, not interrupt people as much... AND even give people a turn to voice their concerns or opinions. This doesn't mean I am not on the spectrum. I still have sensory issues that are very distracting and can effect my mood quickly. Too much fluorescent light, too much whistling from a co-worker, too much perfume at the grocery store, or a collar on a shirt being too high on my neck. But, I have learned I don't need to flip out about those things or voice my agitation to everyone around me.
People believe what they need to believe to get them through the day. But, just because you decide you don't believe in unicorns and Asperger's doesn't make me suddenly disappear... or my unicorn, Sir Fuzzy the Duke of Rainbowville.
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